and i didnt get anything special for mid-autumn, which i thought was important for him. SAD DISAPPOINTED and so no festival is impt anymore, and i shall not prepare any surprises ANYMOR%E!!!

i took up the courage for once, to start to talk face to face. it did solve the problem. I took the initiative this time, because, i really don't want us to quarrel,again and again.

why?

It seemed like a small matter, yet, it blew up once again. Earlier than i had expected. My fault? Your fault? and you will say: it's nobody's fault. Had you tell me earlier what you had to do on the 28th..nothing would have happened. My sixth sense about you wasnt wrongfrom all this while i knew you. Whenever you had something in mind, you would gave excuses to reject an outing with me with reasons because of me, like I'm sick. When the real reason is that you know you had to help yr dad.All this happened because you refuse to speak up. Jurong bird park was pre agreed at least a week ago, and just because your dad begged you. Alright, you said he will die from exhaustion. Me? I always wanted to let you see my retainer the very moment i had it on, but forget it. I wanted you to witness how serious my flu and cough was, you ignored me, because nothing could be more important than me, unless i die. Adn you will start thinking that I am very unreasonable and not understanding. I am not angry at why you had to help your dad. It's rather more of why can't you lead your life that you can call your own? why must you be lead by others all these while? closing down sale after 30 years? you said there's a reason for these. Who wouldn't be upset by this? but you refused to tell me what is happening in your family. Similar to jock biao's case. This time, i can foresee that its either your dad has some illness and is too weak to carry on, or he has some cashflow problem and had to close down, or because your parents are getting a divorce? or is it purely that he thinks he needs to retire? what is it so embarassing to tell me about? Then why should i carry on being your girlfriend when i felt helpless to even give you the support you need? and you will start saying that i wasn't there when you needed someone most. What shocked me the most was that you can even sacrifies your studies to help your dad. Were you thinking properly enough? or was your dad not understanding at all? you even had time to go to facebook on 29th after your call to me. You arent devastated by all this at all, are you? We will never solve our problem like this, never. Since you are so busy, you will never have a face to face talk with me at all. I hate you for always giving excuses, telling me last minute changes when it you can still inform me before hand, and giving me empty promises.You have obligations for everyone. You can go on like this, i gurantee you will definitely fail psychologically. Live life of your own, please.

dada is coming back

For a week or so, I'm asking myself, how am i feeling right now? Am i still full of anger towards him, full of disappointment towards him? or am i feeling very excited that he is coming back in two days time. I remember how i felt when 3rd jan 2009 was reaching. I was so looking forward towards it, how i can hug him tightly, tell him alot alot of things. I remember how tightly i held him while on the way his home, in his car.

25 july 2010 in 2 days time, while looking forward, yet, my hard feelings towards him is not fully off. It can't be settled just like that, because we really need to talk. But i realised that whenever a major conflict happen, we gave ourselves time to cool down, but there was always never a wrap up. Even if there was, i was always the one to initiate it, just like the one major quarrel we had before our last paper on 4 may.

what i had felt on my birthday was no small matter, i will explain to him why when he comes back. About the incident on his birthday, about hui ling's comment and his comment on fb, i just want to know what happened over at his side. I am willing to sit down and talk things through. But not now, i didnt want to tell him about my driving test, its on tuesday, for your info. If u still don't know by tuesday, that proves how often u read my blog, or how u don't even read. Give me a miracle. please.

We have not been talking for so long. I had wanted to say something, but i know it will make things worse. BUt i wanted to say that i made you spend more time with yr family and not less! yet in yr email u said bcoz of me, you spend less time w friends and family?? How can you possibly spend the equal time that you spent with yr frenz as compared to when yoiu are single and you are attached? if thats so, then you cant be in a relationship. YOu were the one who stayed in hall even on weekends when you are single. It is me who bought u with yr family and make you spend more time with them. It is me who influenced you to spend more time with them.
and now in yr blog you said when you needed support most, nobody gave you. Hey, that sld be me saying that, where was one when i needed most when you are in canada, japan?


We sld talk when you come back.
there are so many things not talked.

NOT HAPPY BIRTHDAY

AND I KNEW IT. EVerytime on the eve of my birthday..i will be sad..and this "everytime" started since i know him. First yr..he was too busy with his camp..which seems more important than me..he became not the first to wish me happy birthday. last yr..i cant rem what he did on my actual day of birthday le..this yr..he claimed to want to meet me online..to present to me..and said:" yanyan ! i just came back " at his 11pm..and then he called me on my hp coz i didnt pick up skype call..(i was tired of waiting at the com and went to prepare tmr food). if u have sth on..could nt u just sms me EARLIER..so i know when to expect u..AS USUAL..you dun learn..i dun care abt what yr surprise is..yr surprise seems only to make me more frustrated

Im sad, disappointed in the person i thought loves me most. Since you are nolonger interested in what i do, in what i think, let this blog just die. where did all our promises go? before you even came back, this has tohappen. Are we no longer compatible?

Yan Yan to yan yan, please tellme you want to hang on there.