thinking again..

for this exam period, i somehow chose to 封闭自己. My weakest point is that, i always care about what others will think. But i am myself. Its natural that since elaine and i are no longer roomies, we tend to see each other less although we are just next door. I would even reject her dinner offers because i want to save on the eating time and study, if not, my study plan will be wasted. But i will think of how yongxiang and the rest will think, will they think that im a wet blanket and all? Im afraid of all that.

But i don't agree on the things they do. Its the exam period now, but elaine seems to be not on track. I want to tell her, yet, i don't think that is appropriate. Or perhaps shes even more on track then me! well..

it is also because of my weak point, that i will never eat alone in a public place, i fear of what others will think. Also, although cockroach always wants to eat lunch/dinner with me, i will reject because, it is not so nice. I do study with him when there is a need, he still talks to me about all sorts of problems in life, and we are still v. good friends. But i really don't want him to be so persistent, because nothing is going to change a fact. the fact is, he will never get what he wants, and im afraid of how dada will feel. I don't like to be insecure myself, naturally i don;t like to give others an insecure feeling. Perhaps, it is only when dada is back will he understand where he stand..oh well...