Last year this time, i was feeling so terrible because you had to go to canada. its been a year since then. For the past year, we didnt even quarreled once, and i began to worry, was it normal? i thought there ought to be some quarrels so that we can improve our relationships. Then when you came back, we had the 1st one over the mahjong. After that i thought it was perfectly fine, we had one quarrel! subsequently, i can't remember how many quarrels we had..till 23 aug..that was the biggest one. i thouht, okie, there sld be the end of our quarrels, i will start to understand him more. but there are still things i take a whole lot of my time to understand why..
but when you love that person, its only the least thing that you can do, understand,understand and understand. i havent done my part really well, i must say, you did all you could..
but bcoz of the canada trip, i really feared you leaving me. until now, i still feel this sense of insecurity, as you like to do things without informing me.
hp806 dr.jansen said, he used to love to go diving, mountain biking and all, but he stopped when he had his first chhild, he thought of that what will happen to his wife, children if something should happen to him, i thought, that was so very responsible of him.
i wonder if im alright, but when im doing something, i will be so careful, just in case i die, and the people who loved me will be theone suffering the most. I feared alot when i cross the road, i feared when i was in the plane, wondering if we will be landing safely, becoz when most accidents haven, they didnt thought it would be them, i wonder if i walk halfway, will a flower pot just drop down and hit me. im paranoid.
okie, i should have understand that you wanted something for your resume, i should understand and support you. This time, its is really my fault. for the first time i would say. but i just hope that you will always do one thing, keep to your promises.
i think it will be taxing for us to go taiwan this dec. you are going to australia. i don't want to be unreasonable. we will cancel this trip. bcoz if i go, i won't be happy also. people will come back from a trip together and enjoy post trip, but you are going away to an even better place right after taiwan, will you remember we went to taiwan? definitely less..i cant say that im not disappointed, bcoz we delayed once, this will be twice, next 3 mths u have IO. and i just want to let you know that the call yr mimi made to me at natas made me felt uncomfortable, bcoz yr sis at the side was trying to shut her up, afraid that i will know you all are going overseas. da, don't worry, i very zidong, i won't want to go with you all overseas.
there is a very impt promiseyou made to me last yr for this yr, lets see if u really remembered=>
thats love, relationships, abit taxing, but uget alot better moments of coz.
as always, this post is delicated to you
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Yan yan yan yan....Love you so much.
I really understand the insecurity i have given you during this period of my absense and i know it really fightens you deep down till now. That is why you really want to spend more time with me.
I had a very bad dream the day before, a dream of losing you. IT really frightens me that my heart was pounding even when i woke up. It made me realised that i too cannot do it without you.
Suddenly miss you so much. miss you until i cant concentrate in studying. I guess i am begining to understand how you felt last year for the first time.
Feeling so empty, lost and dont feel like doing anything. Nothing seems more important than to be able to see you right now. Was this what you been through last year?
The long holidays were my best time i had with you. You wondered how come i didnt go for my IO last holiday, or to go to work, or to do some internship.It was simply because i wanted to spend my entire holiday delicated to you and only go out with my friends while you are working. However, it just dont feel enough right?
Yan yan, i really want to spend time with you happily. It doesnt need to be very fun or exciting at all. That was why sometimes i get a little upset when you were angry last semester as we already had so little time together yet we were spending it arguing. Nonetheless, all these really made me understand you alot better than before hence a good thing afterall.
Yan yan, i really hope that this insecurity will be reduced as i will always try to find time for us to be together. You are getting more and more important to me day by day and i really tresure you as someone very very important to me.
As such, i want to make a very selfish request. A request to spend at least half of a day (the best is a whole day) of the weekend together just two of us and not doing anything else (unless it is absolutely pressing like got quiz ).
Love you yanyan..
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