dada is coming back

For a week or so, I'm asking myself, how am i feeling right now? Am i still full of anger towards him, full of disappointment towards him? or am i feeling very excited that he is coming back in two days time. I remember how i felt when 3rd jan 2009 was reaching. I was so looking forward towards it, how i can hug him tightly, tell him alot alot of things. I remember how tightly i held him while on the way his home, in his car.

25 july 2010 in 2 days time, while looking forward, yet, my hard feelings towards him is not fully off. It can't be settled just like that, because we really need to talk. But i realised that whenever a major conflict happen, we gave ourselves time to cool down, but there was always never a wrap up. Even if there was, i was always the one to initiate it, just like the one major quarrel we had before our last paper on 4 may.

what i had felt on my birthday was no small matter, i will explain to him why when he comes back. About the incident on his birthday, about hui ling's comment and his comment on fb, i just want to know what happened over at his side. I am willing to sit down and talk things through. But not now, i didnt want to tell him about my driving test, its on tuesday, for your info. If u still don't know by tuesday, that proves how often u read my blog, or how u don't even read. Give me a miracle. please.

We have not been talking for so long. I had wanted to say something, but i know it will make things worse. BUt i wanted to say that i made you spend more time with yr family and not less! yet in yr email u said bcoz of me, you spend less time w friends and family?? How can you possibly spend the equal time that you spent with yr frenz as compared to when yoiu are single and you are attached? if thats so, then you cant be in a relationship. YOu were the one who stayed in hall even on weekends when you are single. It is me who bought u with yr family and make you spend more time with them. It is me who influenced you to spend more time with them.
and now in yr blog you said when you needed support most, nobody gave you. Hey, that sld be me saying that, where was one when i needed most when you are in canada, japan?


We sld talk when you come back.
there are so many things not talked.

NOT HAPPY BIRTHDAY

AND I KNEW IT. EVerytime on the eve of my birthday..i will be sad..and this "everytime" started since i know him. First yr..he was too busy with his camp..which seems more important than me..he became not the first to wish me happy birthday. last yr..i cant rem what he did on my actual day of birthday le..this yr..he claimed to want to meet me online..to present to me..and said:" yanyan ! i just came back " at his 11pm..and then he called me on my hp coz i didnt pick up skype call..(i was tired of waiting at the com and went to prepare tmr food). if u have sth on..could nt u just sms me EARLIER..so i know when to expect u..AS USUAL..you dun learn..i dun care abt what yr surprise is..yr surprise seems only to make me more frustrated

Im sad, disappointed in the person i thought loves me most. Since you are nolonger interested in what i do, in what i think, let this blog just die. where did all our promises go? before you even came back, this has tohappen. Are we no longer compatible?

Yan Yan to yan yan, please tellme you want to hang on there.

are we on the verge of breaking up?

This blog started because of love and misses for someone. And now it seemed like it is going to shut down because of the same person. I felt a distance, a very far distance from the person i thought i loved most and cherished most. Break-up has never been part of my vocabulary. Do couples really cannot survive for more than 3years? In anyway, it does not matter whatever i write here anymore, he does not read anyway. He said he cant even take care of himself. Isnt this statement obvious enough that hes sick of me and that we should go our sepearate ways? Do you really want that to happen? Even how angry i am, sad i am, i will not say this two words: break up, in front of you. because people always do it in a fit of anger and will regret after that. after all, how can 2 people who loved each other so much just separate just like that? I dont know if he still loves me as much, are we not going to talk anymore?

im like a total idiot here..rushing back ..ate rice in 10 minutes..and saw that you are actually enjoying yr parties so much...drink more lorz..socialize more lorz..make more friends..not as if i care..i will not care anymore

locked out!

I actually wanted to come online today to chat with dada, but unfortunately i was locked out. tuesday and wednesday I will be out. It's alright larz..you can chat with your mum and friends. Ran almost 10km and i did not have key to get into the house..waited for 2hours without water and food..almost fainted. Hai..