are we on the verge of breaking up?

This blog started because of love and misses for someone. And now it seemed like it is going to shut down because of the same person. I felt a distance, a very far distance from the person i thought i loved most and cherished most. Break-up has never been part of my vocabulary. Do couples really cannot survive for more than 3years? In anyway, it does not matter whatever i write here anymore, he does not read anyway. He said he cant even take care of himself. Isnt this statement obvious enough that hes sick of me and that we should go our sepearate ways? Do you really want that to happen? Even how angry i am, sad i am, i will not say this two words: break up, in front of you. because people always do it in a fit of anger and will regret after that. after all, how can 2 people who loved each other so much just separate just like that? I dont know if he still loves me as much, are we not going to talk anymore?

im like a total idiot here..rushing back ..ate rice in 10 minutes..and saw that you are actually enjoying yr parties so much...drink more lorz..socialize more lorz..make more friends..not as if i care..i will not care anymore

locked out!

I actually wanted to come online today to chat with dada, but unfortunately i was locked out. tuesday and wednesday I will be out. It's alright larz..you can chat with your mum and friends. Ran almost 10km and i did not have key to get into the house..waited for 2hours without water and food..almost fainted. Hai..

The one who emailed me when he is in Canada no longer reads my blog. The one who says: sometimes you will feel better when you write things down so that "I" can see what you are thinking, no longer reads my blog. Me? Everyday, as long as I am online, I go to his blog everyday. Concerned about what he thinks, afraid that he may be upset, so that I will be the very first person to talk to him.

The one who always enjoys going overseas to upgrade himself and to leave others alone, yet does not care about whether the others are doing good or not.

He can just really enjoy himself when he is overseas, theres company, both boys and girls, and scooping ice cream from a girl's cup, how sweet.

The one who doesnt even think of his girlfriend when he is enjoying himself. The one who is no different from his sister, who doesnt want to commit fully into a relationship.

The one who thinks: well, i will think of you when i think of you, but please don't disturb me when im doing something serious, like working in Japan.

The one who thinks that I always say bad things about him. The one who thinks that I love him more than he love me and that i have stronger feeling towards him than he is.

You put too high a hat for yourself. The one who thinks that the future is a future, we don't have to think about it now.

The one who tries to escape questions from me like what exactly did hedo on our 2 year anniversary before he came to chat with me.

The one whom i feel does not tell me everything. The one whom i felt that i self-disclosed toomuch and felt now that i should not have done so.

The one whom have made me sad more than happy for these 2 months.

Most importantly, the one whom i loved and treasured so much, no longer treasures me anymore.

28 may 2010---is it of any significance to you?

why do i sometimes think that i 受委屈? from excited in waiting for him, to bored. Is it no longer important to keep to what u said? alright, it might be your internet is down or whatever reasons you want to give me, but isnt it just good that you can give me an sms that you will be late? i kept waiting here at the computer like an idiot. Afraid that you might be here anytime. being excited the whole day because i'm looking forward to chatting with you. Guys are just like that isnt it, i have to wait, as always.

happy and sad at split seconds, what am i doing?? i no longer sense my importance to him..i dont gain insecurity, uneasiness, unhappiness anyhow, its accumulated by you. How do you want to bring this down?

i bet you must be discussing your itinery for your camp tomorrow. Thats more important than our 2 year anniversary date online.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no posts to read

i was just practically doing nothing today, because i cant sleep even though i have slept for less than 5 hrs last night. I know that is not normal of me because i can sleep practically everywhere, and when i can't sleep, i know that i am just purely missing someone. My brain is just too active thinking of you, so much so that i get insomnia. INSOMNIA? this word has never occur to me.I looked back at your past blog posts, when you were in Canada, at least at that time, i have something to read when you cannot be online chatting with me. But now, i have nothing else to fall back on. Claps for those who have your loved ones overseas apart from you for at least a year..i must learn..for now

always online

I thought of lin jun jie song "always online" Yeah..im always online..trying to be online..which i obviously dun do it if not of dada..i was skipping and was so surprised to see a facebook msg..but i think hes having alot of fun there ba..perhaps no need for me to think so much and worry abt hiim..i dun think i will wait for him online this week.

sab seems to be the one always online to chit chat w me..ha..lad to have her to chit chat and have lunch w me in sch..oh yeah..opened up a star today w words!

seriously, if i have a chance, i would like to be away overseas for a few months..i realise i lost a lot of chance w myself as i have always considered him. that time i really wanted to do GIP..but i thought that i didnt want him to suffer the way i did when he was in canada..but in the end..it still ended up me suffering..hai..

i really cant take it anymore!!!!!! i feel like shutting down myself