Thursday, April 30, 2009

contradicting post

My eyes are super swollen and red, yes, i cried so hard once again. Its really not me. BUt there's a feeling that things are no longer as they was. Kor overheard our conversation, and he said i talk like Cindy. But its true, guys change after a year in relationship. Not as enthusiastic anymore. Its so ironic, in the past, when we were so good so good, i worried. Worried because everything was so perfect, it should not be. And when we had our first argument when he came back from canada, regarding the yongsiang hse thing, i was kinda happy, happy that theres a conflict. It means we are natural. Then came the 3 cries in a month, but that made me understand him better. True. Then i became not as happy sometimes, on and off. I started to worry, why.

IN tthe past, he comes to my house to stay like nobody's business. And he will make sure its fair in a way that i stay and he stay at respective's houses. But now he actually said its ma fan and if its not ma fan then just stay lorz..The first to reply RF email last year, i believe the last to reply this year, perhaps not at all. He has more interesting friends than rf perhaps, and prefers to write long long comments on them than us.

I hope he will appreciate me more though. Ive done alot, which he cant see. Ask all his guy friends, i believe im already a very understanding girlfriend. Ive never once asked him to buy anything for me, nothing like kai yang's girlfriend. Yes, although i tend to pull a long face over things that he thinks are nothing. But i have mny reason. Normal people will think in my way and will get angry. Tried and tested with mummy. But He really thinks in a so different way, and so perhaps, it aint a problem for him.

I love him, and thats why i get upset over certain things. I really hoope that for the next 3 months, i won't get unhappy or angry again. Mummy says, well its like that. So perhaps its like that?

Today is the first time since i can't remember when that we parted to go home on our own. Normally, he will come my house or i will go his house and we will then part from there etc. I hate this feeling but i have to get used to it. Perhaps we are so used to going to each others house after each meeting/outing.

Have i ever said that he has never sent me back home once using public transport. I never expect though, because its far. But kor kor does that everytime, i wonder how he does that. Im not trying to bitch and complain about small little things. But some things, we should not take it for granted that its like that. Thers more work to be done. And theres actually force applied though there may be no apparent work done but there is work done afterall.

But after all that crying, i still love him that much. Perhaps, the more you love that person, the more you will cry because of him. I will think over before i get angry again.

Once again, im very serious about this relationship, i want to go on forever, its not a play and go kind. Make me happy, im so easily satisfied and perhaps thats the problem.

All the flam makes me can't breathe at all, with the flu. HAI

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