affected, somehow...

i don't really have alot of friends whom i am close to. Not to say friends who come in pairs. Perhaps, i will always put myself in other people's shoes, thats why, when i know that teronne and yong xiang had broken up, i was very distraught, upset.

Nobody ever wants to see a couple break up, is there a need? i thought. Yet these two were the ones who pulled us through our hexis difficult times, taught us numerous things about being street smart, planned the genting trip, went to teoheng most of the times, attended my birthday party, our camp leader, senior, saying that they wanted to form a new circle of friends with us..

I felt for ter so much, although i can't say that i know anything, but there is the possibility that yx dumped her for another girl. That is so like him. I hate these kind of guys seriously, it totally changed my perception of him. I was close to crying when i spoke to ter yesterday, when i should be the one calming her and listening to her. It must be tough for her, being the only child at home, parents working...but as she said, all was not worth it..lets hope sherecovers soon..

no more outings together, no more teo heng, its alright, at least i know my dada aint any other guys in the street...=>

4 september..the day i hate the most

Last year this time, i was feeling so terrible because you had to go to canada. its been a year since then. For the past year, we didnt even quarreled once, and i began to worry, was it normal? i thought there ought to be some quarrels so that we can improve our relationships. Then when you came back, we had the 1st one over the mahjong. After that i thought it was perfectly fine, we had one quarrel! subsequently, i can't remember how many quarrels we had..till 23 aug..that was the biggest one. i thouht, okie, there sld be the end of our quarrels, i will start to understand him more. but there are still things i take a whole lot of my time to understand why..
but when you love that person, its only the least thing that you can do, understand,understand and understand. i havent done my part really well, i must say, you did all you could..
but bcoz of the canada trip, i really feared you leaving me. until now, i still feel this sense of insecurity, as you like to do things without informing me.

hp806 dr.jansen said, he used to love to go diving, mountain biking and all, but he stopped when he had his first chhild, he thought of that what will happen to his wife, children if something should happen to him, i thought, that was so very responsible of him.

i wonder if im alright, but when im doing something, i will be so careful, just in case i die, and the people who loved me will be theone suffering the most. I feared alot when i cross the road, i feared when i was in the plane, wondering if we will be landing safely, becoz when most accidents haven, they didnt thought it would be them, i wonder if i walk halfway, will a flower pot just drop down and hit me. im paranoid.

okie, i should have understand that you wanted something for your resume, i should understand and support you. This time, its is really my fault. for the first time i would say. but i just hope that you will always do one thing, keep to your promises.

i think it will be taxing for us to go taiwan this dec. you are going to australia. i don't want to be unreasonable. we will cancel this trip. bcoz if i go, i won't be happy also. people will come back from a trip together and enjoy post trip, but you are going away to an even better place right after taiwan, will you remember we went to taiwan? definitely less..i cant say that im not disappointed, bcoz we delayed once, this will be twice, next 3 mths u have IO. and i just want to let you know that the call yr mimi made to me at natas made me felt uncomfortable, bcoz yr sis at the side was trying to shut her up, afraid that i will know you all are going overseas. da, don't worry, i very zidong, i won't want to go with you all overseas.

there is a very impt promiseyou made to me last yr for this yr, lets see if u really remembered=>

thats love, relationships, abit taxing, but uget alot better moments of coz.

as always, this post is delicated to you

disappointed..with my dad

We no longer regards him as our dad, just a person in name. Today everything changed. Another debtor came out of nowhere, we were startled. I dont know howmany secrets he has we him. I pity mummy. Having a husband who does not pay every single house bill, a husband who does not bother about the house, a man who does not bring a single amount back home. He is a jerk, he is a failure.

WHat er are doing, is to help the family. We agreed to close down the company, starting everything from tomorrow. WHy cant he learn from his past failure, he is a bankrupcy!! I dont knoe how much further he wants to sink in it. I didnt know i had a broken family, i thought mine had no scars......

yetr whatever he did outside, we knew nuts. we knew nothing, that is how little communcation we have, mummy have with him. the whole night was about questioning and more questioning, not any criminal, but our very own dad. im always ashamed to tell da about all this, that he never contributes to the house and everyshit he did outside, becoz i didnt want him to get a bad image of dad, but now it doesnt matter any more, he is a jerk, no doubt.

I still remeber the card, but i guess it no longer mean anything to me, kee eng chin, has changed.

indirectly shooting

hai..so im the one whos sleeping round and lazing around. i DONT find that so..i would think of that as spending time with my family. why spend the whole lot of your life always finding things to do, enriching your lifes just becoz you want to enrich, doing things for the sake of doing..so fake.

just at that point of moment, i thought so. different pple think differently, and thats why compromise comes in.....

although i will still think whatever i thought will come more easy with most people

still, sleep is important to me,

=<=<

no more work!

so much things

I was really really happy satisfied filled with joy on my 21st celebration, so much thoughts, yet could not write now. I was amazed at how my dada could hold the party so well, get everybody's attention. I WAS SHOCKED AND SURPRISED=> he made my party come alive, perhaps bcoz of so many things that he did, i felt pressurised to do something for him too. But im always the busy one who has to work, therefore, i didnt have much time to do anything.

seriously, i dont want to talk abt this, but i really hate the loan sharks!!!!!!y turn our family's life upside down? i cldnot ctrl myself and spoke to that damn person. I sld not have done that. Im already endangering myself. They may just catch me anytime, and IM DONE FOR. im scared but yet i really want the police to help us to get him caught. That is y i cld not sit own and think what to do for dada. My house will be burnt in this one week, i firmly believe so, now is the time to sit down and think in a sensible way, how to protect ourselves yet deter them and capture them. if only i was in the police force. I always wanted to be part of them, but because of height reasons, i stopped dreaaming since secondary. let me and my family be safe and sound, thats all i want, for now. If anything happens to any of my family members, i won't leave them alone. but if anything happens to me, im afraid i will kind of hate my dad.

work and work!

OMG! i almost type all these words that i was going to type in my birthday blog, heng arz! i finally woke up to ran today, i mean i did last fri also. I really wonder how the working class goes to exercise every single day, its really no life! its wither u wake up very early to run( because most will start work at 8 plus or 9), or you run when you reach home at 8 plus or nine. But i suppose most will go to the gym instead, no choice. I suddenly felt like swimming again, to swim 50 laps in one go without stoppig in 1 hr 20 min time. I mean, that was so great of me! haha, given that i dun even have a bronze cert...perhaps thats why im no good in water sports, and i cant join da for so many things. I cant even carryy a kayak well, da must be thinking im so lousy, he must have seen so much stronger girls..

I wanted so much to see him sail, yes, even to sit down there to see, but i was denied the chance, it made me felt sad..left out. I had a wish, or a surprise, that is to be the firt girl other than his mum and sis to drive him alone out, but this chance was destroyed by another girl. i think it willl be destroyed once more nxt week, well, forget it then. lets hope im just not the third or forth..

its just work and work everyday, 11-14 is PC show at suntec, i was so hoping he will say we don't have to work, but at the same time, it will be lost of money!! i cant, i actually hoped to leave this job early, but for money, i shall stay on. I think i work too hard sometmes, pushing myself to get 10 everytime, and that resulted in throat pain. Am i stupid or what? why so mai li? not as if anyone in this job are pushing themselves..hai yo. thats me

mummy and i agreed on one pt readily, i tend to not be taught when i go to a newplace to work, i learnt myself, whether last time in cafe or now, but when a new person comes, they will be dependent and kept asking me, and being the nice person, i will spoonfeed them with everything i know, and i cant believe i was so patient, this time or last time in cafe before i left. too nice may backfire too. too nice=naive=cheatable

well lets be nice and not nice then!!

felt bad that i cld not take care of dada when he was sick, hope you are fine already!! muacks!

Happy mothers day!

Luckily I was fast enough to make a reservation! HAHA and we got a free cake and the usual price stated as a result. However, food was not up to my expectation. I think the best buffet was at Genting!
I can't find a job, and this must not delay anymore. Yet I don't want to lower my expectation too much and except a $4 an hour job. Life's so bored. Planning for the birthday should be easy, as compared to HEXIS. But I just don't know how to make it better.
RUn! Yes, i must start to train my stamina for running, and my 44kg aim must be achieved. I hope. I no longer bake as frequently, because that requires money too, to buy ingredients. HAI!
GIVE ME A JOB

contradicting post

My eyes are super swollen and red, yes, i cried so hard once again. Its really not me. BUt there's a feeling that things are no longer as they was. Kor overheard our conversation, and he said i talk like Cindy. But its true, guys change after a year in relationship. Not as enthusiastic anymore. Its so ironic, in the past, when we were so good so good, i worried. Worried because everything was so perfect, it should not be. And when we had our first argument when he came back from canada, regarding the yongsiang hse thing, i was kinda happy, happy that theres a conflict. It means we are natural. Then came the 3 cries in a month, but that made me understand him better. True. Then i became not as happy sometimes, on and off. I started to worry, why.

IN tthe past, he comes to my house to stay like nobody's business. And he will make sure its fair in a way that i stay and he stay at respective's houses. But now he actually said its ma fan and if its not ma fan then just stay lorz..The first to reply RF email last year, i believe the last to reply this year, perhaps not at all. He has more interesting friends than rf perhaps, and prefers to write long long comments on them than us.

I hope he will appreciate me more though. Ive done alot, which he cant see. Ask all his guy friends, i believe im already a very understanding girlfriend. Ive never once asked him to buy anything for me, nothing like kai yang's girlfriend. Yes, although i tend to pull a long face over things that he thinks are nothing. But i have mny reason. Normal people will think in my way and will get angry. Tried and tested with mummy. But He really thinks in a so different way, and so perhaps, it aint a problem for him.

I love him, and thats why i get upset over certain things. I really hoope that for the next 3 months, i won't get unhappy or angry again. Mummy says, well its like that. So perhaps its like that?

Today is the first time since i can't remember when that we parted to go home on our own. Normally, he will come my house or i will go his house and we will then part from there etc. I hate this feeling but i have to get used to it. Perhaps we are so used to going to each others house after each meeting/outing.

Have i ever said that he has never sent me back home once using public transport. I never expect though, because its far. But kor kor does that everytime, i wonder how he does that. Im not trying to bitch and complain about small little things. But some things, we should not take it for granted that its like that. Thers more work to be done. And theres actually force applied though there may be no apparent work done but there is work done afterall.

But after all that crying, i still love him that much. Perhaps, the more you love that person, the more you will cry because of him. I will think over before i get angry again.

Once again, im very serious about this relationship, i want to go on forever, its not a play and go kind. Make me happy, im so easily satisfied and perhaps thats the problem.

All the flam makes me can't breathe at all, with the flu. HAI

pleasant surprise!

What a pleasant surprise! My surprises aint surprises! haha MUACKS!! HAPPY 11 mth!

GUILTY

Im so guilty of it! I just read kor's post and yeah, I'm one of those who likes to dabao food and eat in the tv room. But this is the only stress free thing that is fun during exams! Haha, his post abit like dada's one. But, I'm not really an environmentalist. That is why, i like to eat at home! no need to dabao. Yet can watch tv. Okie, bathe!

Exams over soon

Tomorrow will be my last paper! As excited as I am, I suddenly thought of so much things. I will miss this whole exam period. Especially the early part where me and dada will study together everywhere, from LWN 5th storey to 4th storey to benches in north spine, to CBE discussion room, to my SPMS tutorial room..The rain! The laughing of the 2 guys! In the end we had to laugh at ourselves! SO FUN! The drawing of pictures. I kept looking at the photos. DADA so cute! The late night runs! and i was so proud i ran 2 rounds!Initially, i thought i would most probably be studying alone at the ulu tutorial room of mine.

I thought of this same period last year, when I was in a very extremely good mood. The blackouts last year.. and I just instinctively messaged my then "mama" and he will come up and look for me! No blackouts this year, how boring! Thats part of hall life, forever so exciting! The NIE study days last year..the anticipation of something, family day 1..so much so much. I missed 883 too. I would stick the earphone in my year and listen throughout the day. It proved effective. But perhaps not this time.

Its gonna be a year. Thats really fast! I still feel as fresh and new as the past! I think I'm abit crazy though, missing da every free moment, like now! DAda must be busy studying his catalyst! I still want to watch the repeat telecast of Hong Xin Da Jiang! haha . Exercise will start soon, not for this few days though. I really want to relax and sleep until Zi Ran Xing! Many things to do this hoilidays though! plan family day real soon! plan my birthday, plan special days..look for jobs..BAKE!

I really missed my baking marathon, come to think of it. I'm gonna go home! oh yes! poor kor, starts paper tomorrow, haha! BATHE!

thermodynamics

It is an hour more before my thermodynamics paper start. Thermodynamics is not the word, it should be physical chemistry, because there are other components like chemical equilibrium other than thermodynamics. I'm feeling very stressed up now, yet, i don't feel like recapping anything. Its either you know or don;t. For all my worst papers, i would at least get a B- and not a C. Please don't give me my first C, I won't be able to take it. Tomorrow is yet another stupid paper. Why the hell did I take physics of sports, when my physics really sucks since secondary school. I didn't even take A level physics. I sought of regretted not SU-ing. Im competing with a whole lot of engineering people! Its peanuts to them. How? Will this semester be my lowest point in life?

I don;t know why, I suddenly thought about my birthday party in June, and i kinda don't look forward to it. Part of me hates the planning part, there's alot to do than it is, part of me wants to make it the best. Ive never had birthday parties. Perhaps a mini one when i was 13 year-old. That was at home and only neighbours and my close relatives were invited. Everybody wants to look their best on their 21st isnt it. Everything seems so boring now.

HAI...can 214 please be doable........I know its like peanuts to many people, but not me. But the last paper is not a relaxing one. I still remembered we had steamboat prior to my last paper last semester. And i was not anxious at all. Because theres really nothing much to study. I got a B+ How cool right, and papers like organic where i put in all my blood, i got a B-. I don;t want to stop writing, once i sstop, it means 214 paper is starting. Should i walk, or take bus. I will walk, afraid to take shuttle bus on my own. Because of self concsious, just like i hate to eat alone too. OMG OMG!! Ims o stressed stressed! PLease..give me luck! 12.10pm now..SHould get prepared....

lab exams?

Throughout my educational period, I have never had laboratory theory exams! I mean, isn't it clearly written as lab and should be done practically? We have had SPAs exam during our junior college days, practical exam during our secondary and primary school days.
Today's paper was such a killer paper. I don't know how the rest felt, but for the first time after last semester''s organic paper, i felt so helpless during the paper itself.

Its not fair to test our graph plotting skill when we are now into the high-tech era. It took me so long to decide the parameter for the axis and the first few questions totally dampened my mood. All the As for my lab reports are fake, they have already planned such a funny paper in ahead. Well, as I said, its only a paper, it could not have been worse for other people at some corner..like madelyn's friend.

Her friend's mum just passed away. Although it has nothing to do with me, but this kind of thing will happen to me in future. I would put myself in their shoes and imagine how worse i will have felt. I would propably not turn up for exams and give up. There were 2 cases in JC1 and JC2 respectively. My friend, in my clique. Her father died during the period near our promotional exams, we went to her father's wake. She seemed alright then, but everybody knows that this is such a hard thing to accept. The other one happened within a year during our Alevels. I bet she must be very strong then, for she scored 4 As and A1 for GP for Alevels. She was beside me that day, when results were released. Immediately, she cried upon knowing her results, in her heart, she knew that her dad was always supporting her and watching over her. And for that, I felt so ashamed of my results.

Im afraid of physics of sports more than thermodynamics. MCQs are killers. But.。顺其自然 吧！
Oh yah, I finally saw dada with his retainer, my wish fulfilled!!! so cute!

still in progress..

I thought I would listen to my HW102a teacher Alvin and write an entry everyday, even though it may be as short as just a paragraph. But here I am, days after my last entry!

Exams are still in progress and one paper had since passed. It was not what I had expected. I expected it to be reasonably easy. I thought questions from the notes will come out again, but it was not the case. Multiple choices questions were tricky, but well, I don't think it will be disastrous, all I want is a B+ and above. But of course, paper like green chemistry, I really hope an A- will popped out!

I'm not that ambitious, I mean, Im aiming in a reachable way. I don't aim for grades like A+ which I'm never capable of. But of course, if I were to get it, who will not want it? I have been hanging out with CBE people lately, because I go to dada's school everyday to study. Clever people really study in a different way. They practice and discuss a lot among themselves. But again, I think it is something that only above average people can do it. For me, i can't, because i can't even get the real concept right, let alone contribute to the group and discuss among friends. Dada said that Jock Biao's way of studying is wrong, while i agreed (because i'm also like that), i also understand why he studys that way. We, perhaps the more average or less than average people, do not grasp the concept as fast, therefore we tend to feel insecure if we don;t finish summarising and reading the notes before practicing. Nevertheless, I'm also trying to change my style, I do practice more now. But seriously, I'm pretty easily satisfied with life, with grades. B+ will make me smile! haha

Studies are not everything in life, there are still so many things to overlap the injury you got in exams. Everyone is special in a way. Ha, I overheard 3 guys conversation yesterday. I really could not stand the way they prepare for exams; totally "heck care". I would never have the courage to not study for any exam. I would never have the courage to say: "i haven study leh" just one day before the exam, even if its pass/fail! CBE computer lab is not bad, so re nao, unlike my school's ones. But because I'm going there everyday, I haven seen them for ages. I haven watched television for so long! I missed dabaoing food into the tv room. I missed the time when i was in year 1, always eating early lunch with Elaine because every one or a few days, one of us would have afternoon paper. We would then watch those long long ago chinese serials! hao hao kan! Now is good too! See dada everyday!

I swear Im going to lose weight when exams end. I can't eat the way I'm eating now. Although i don;t eat rubbish now, but that's not an eating pattern that I can adopt to lose weight. If you just compare me and dada. We eat almost the same 3 meals a day, but he is taller and bigger! How can we consume the same number of calories a day? When our energy requirements are different! Haha, got to do something about my weight. Its not just about exercise. I really need less rice! 44 kg by my birthday? 40 by TW trip? hehe...39 by.....hmmx..the big big day=>

all soaked in school

Today was the official last lesson of the semester before exam really starts. In fact, mine first paper will begin next tuesday! Seriously, i really hated Hw module, i mean, I still hate it now, for I'm one who cannot write well. But I found that I have found two really good friends to talk to. I thought i blended in with both of them so well. Being able to talk about anything under the sun. They even tell me their problems, and I felt so good that they looked upon me to give them advise. Actually I don't have many friends in my course, friends that I will go to lesson together and hang out with. I supposely have 2, but it became 1. That only friend, she's just a lecture friend, a friend whom i will never talk about my personal life, a friend whom I will never ask her for help, a friend whom i will never study with. But yet without her, I would be a loner in CBC. Thats so contradicting

I have been soaking in either Lee Wee Nam Library or CBE to study. If not for dada, I would not have this discipline to wake up early to study. Nevertheless, I am still getting used to this habit, for it has always been a norm for me to study til 2am and wake up at 10 plus. I feel that 8 hours is still not enough for me, haha.

For the first time that day, I ran two rounds around the school! I am so proud of myself. perhaps it it at most 10km only, but thats a great achievement, on the account that I have not been running much until recently.

Dada and I talked so much yesterday I thought i really have nothing to hide from him anymore. I was so straightforward i thought i will say the wrong things. But I'm glad that things always turn out well. Perhaps I should change my mindset to the more positive side, but as it is, girls are hard to understand and accomodate, it is the constant insecurity that we(us) feel. And that was what i told Maypo today. Chin and Po agreed.

I hope she is not thinking too much again. Nobody wants a couple to break up right? Things are hard to come by, lets cherish everyone around us!

bored to death

If its me, i will inform my whereabouts, so that people won't have to assume where you are,
if its me, i will be so open about myself, that there will be no secrets within me,
If its me, If its me.

Sometimes, its kinda hard, to open up the cockle shell, for they just refuse to open, and at the end of the day, you will just give up and not care and not eat the cockle. But, thats different, because you can eat the rest of the cockle shells!

Thats not the case........well....in any case..perhaps i should just shut up

Was so super sian in hall, the whole day, i was just studying, and the whole day, i was thinking should i eat or not.

I want people to eat with me, if not i won;t bother to eat myself, and i will end up eating rubbish. Luckily, theres them to eat with me.

And i had an adventure with my cheque. It was rainingly heavily this afternoon and zhiling called me down to the concourse to pass me my cheque. It was just a thiny whiny little cheque. With not even an envelope to protect it. I struggled my way up, making sure i don't slipped and fall. Along the way, i just imagined the worst, what if i really fell and the cheque flew off to the ground and it got wet and when i picked up it tore and...omg..then thats the end for me. I protected it against the rain that came in, only to find myself more wet.phew. Finally im up there, poor cheque, poor me.

back to study..and my stitch still hurts, feel like going home again...SIAN..whenever i feel bored, i will call mummy, for i don;t have to bother if shes free or not, she will always be free for me.

argh!!!! just when i was in a rather good mood to write something, something about the hexis venuw invoice has to irritate me. Now, i don't even know what to do with the outstanding 1733.40 which must be paid within 7 days. Our funds have enough to pay and thats a fact, but she manipulated until we don't have money to pay, and thats a lie!

Just say that you don;t want to help us and thats it. In any case, its not going to come out from any of our pockets. Its just ridiculous.

Was enjoying my last few days..now i don't even have the mood to write. I wanted to describe so much about our sing song session, about our 10 mth anniversary at JJ concert, about how i know da three times more..i just can't go on...

Life is so vulnerable

I came across my friend's blog, which posted a link to another blog. That another blog was set up for a special girl, a small little girl, who has cancer. Im amazed by how much she has gone through, the pain of having to go through chemotherapy when many others her age are still crying for attention.

http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/

and yet, people just kill themselves as and when they like, why not let those who wants to end their life have cancer? don't harm the innocent. arghh..thats life.

Live the life u want..!

THank You!

Hexis is over, its finally over, well lets not think about goonies night yet. YEAH!! but, i guess, i will miss it. Its afterall, hard work. By so many people, so much time. I struggled through, and i was satisfied with the performance. This is the biggest thing i ever did, i guess i won't be doing any big thing anymore.

My thank you speech was lousy, i didnt prepare much, but i thought, its not about how wonderful my speech can be, because im not there to promote myself, rather, i just really wanted to thank the people i ought to thank, but i missed out important people. I thought i would cry during my speech, for i cried when i wrote my speech. but perhaps, i was just nervous that i forgot everything. I never thought i would be involved in theatre plays consecutively for 2 years. But this kinda lift up my interest in how they worked in theatres plays.Interesting indeed. I like backstage, i still miss my sets and props team, it was more fun.

i loved these few days at lee. I loved watching the performance over and over again. lets hope everything goes well for my tests and exams too.

is everyone against time?

It pissed me off whenever people are late for meetings etc. I always wonder if they ever know that there is this thing called the watch or clock. They don't even bother to say sorry or don't seem flustered at all that they are late, or even bother to tell people that they will be late.

Im really very particular with time, i can't remember who trained me to be that punctual always, to have a sense of time/urgency. But it seems that it is not the trend now, its Perfectly fine to be late, whats the big deal man?

Well, try being late for your job interviews, exams.

Perhaps i should try to be late too..Its just time..too tired to race against time anymore.

I repect people who are punctual=> Which means all hall 6 people are fucked up?

Yup they are.

fastest mouth wins

I was so in deep thoughts yesterday, after the meeting with the stupid top 4, or so they claim, it should be bottom four, or they don't even have the right to exist in this world in the first place.

After that, was as usual, a talk with teronne. Shes perhaps the best person to talk to to help resolve hall conflicts. I came to realise that I must not keep quiet and let people do their own way anymore. It was always like that, which is why they kept saying hall people kan ren qi fu. Perhaps im the victim. Too good? arent people suppose to be nice to others? Or am i living in a world too realistic that being nice doesnt bring u anything but pain. It made me grow up alot, during these 2 years in hall. Im able to think in a 2 way direction more frequently, so let my brain operate faster so that i am always ready to defend myself in whatever way.

Treat it as a good thing, that perhaps I will be more streetsmart/people smart in future. I want to use the holidays to prepare for my own defence during AGM nxt sem. Lets see if the bad guys still win in the end.

a happy sat!

Last week was hell week! but it ended so sweetly with a fun filled weekend!
Describing how i spent my weekends will be over the word limit! I never thought guys can be so xi xin, im so fortunate, just so bad that i dint do a great job, nvm theres still countless years for me to improve! haha!

I cant wait for night cycling again! but i don't think it will be as fun as last year, because we have so many people less. Nevertheless, its meant as a memory for me, and also to exercise! I promise i will run after hexis! haha

Catching up with my NPCC frenz at yuan's party was do engaging! discussing about yet another trip with them. The last one was at loola in 2004. Some things were so memorable all of them actually remembered and kept saying! hoho.. Lets hope its somewhere ive never been before. Trip with np frenz. is a prelude! haha. so must earn more money during the three months holidays! and i really really cant wait..last year this period, i was peeping almost everyday! so memorable! haha once again, happy valentine's day dada! happy total defence day! wish u stay pretty cute cute always!

The first time

This is the first time that i need to think of such things, despite my really busy busy week. Ive long wanted this very much, to have the need to think of what to do. I never had the chance, and if i did have the chance, it never comes before it ends.

This year is my 1st and ever first VALENTINES day! How exciting can it be. Not much ive done, yet enough to make me sweat! haha

Next year's valentine's day falls on Chinese new year day 1! so cool!

Rush here rush there!

This whole week was like a hell week for me! but im sure it will end with a nice weekend!
But perhaps because of my busy schedule, ive been trying to be as disciplined as i can. And my effort was not wasted, at least for the very first test that i took this sem, in fact, i put in too much effort into studying, but i just felt that it was totally unfair that people around me were discussing and flipping their lecture notes as if the prof is dead. Their cheated their marks out. I didnt! But this is a reality society, if i don't cheat, i will really lose out to all! But yet, it should not be this way!

relieved..

IM actually very happy today, because Hong Leong Foundation decided to give us a grant. I don't know how much it is, but it can really relieve us of some stress, even if its a few hundred, for i foresee that tickets sales will be quite bad.

I was doing my work at north spine, when my mind drifted off to think about hexis. I was worried about hexis tickets sales. It always happens in class, though i will try to get my mind back to lesson as soon as possible.In a while, my phone rang! I was so shocked and surprised that HL is providing us with a sponsorship. We are like only one month away from the productions, and yet there is still a sponsorship for us!

I just could not describe my feelings, how happy and excited i was. But i don;t think anybody can understand how i felt, how relieved i was. perhaps, except for elaine. I felt as though i hasnt had this kind of happy and excited feeling for such a long time. It was really a miracle, yes, to me it is. The first miracle i had in life, was during my sec 2 cross country, when i fainted. I crossed the line unknowingly and got no.10, which i did not expect at all! This is the second i ever had.

The first instinct was to message elaine! i know how happy she will be too, she went through all these with me, she knows it the best. then i spread the news to ter and yx and ronnie, dada.

lets hope it will be a decent amount, but i can't be too happy for sure, for ticket sales is really bad..i hopoe another miracle comes true.

Test next monday, trying my very best to study for it these few days. This wkend will be so busy i forsee i wont have time to study well. Its 40 percent, i cant let it go. its 3am now! all bcoz of the make-up thing just now, but well, as producer, i have to be down to oversee.

Put me through this test, once again, for i no longer have anyone to help me in my studies, i lost my helpful tutor, my friendship. im totally ignored

In this world, we can't just have the best of both worlds, i realise..tired

looking forward, looking backward

So much things have passed in just a blink of eye, my long awaited CNY is over. I missed the wkends prior to CNY eve so much, because i can go shopping with kor and fang using a car!

Missed the cny visit to dada's house, miss the midnite movie, the visit to loyang tua pek kong.....

This yr is the secong time that i am not at home for the bai tian kong during chu jiu..wanted so much to be back at home, its something that i always look forward to since young, i don't know why, perhaps, its because all of us are together, or perhaps, its just fun to stay up late to fold the incense paper, to see the burning of sugarcane..i just like the feeling.

I haven really had time to sleep well, even during the cny period, its worse. I long for a good sleep so much, a sleep when i know that i don;t have to do anything the next day, when i don;t have to care about whether my alarm clock is on or not.

I suddenly felt bored while studying, and i just took my hp out. No, this time i wasnt looking back at all my messages, or rather, i was listening to all my recorded songs in my hp, songs which i sang myself and recorded them along the way. I missed one particular song so much, wu jia hui song. i almost forgoted that this singaporean singer existed. until i hear his song again. This was the may period song, though i cant remember which show was it. then i started to read my diary again, it was a kind of occassional routine i always do...look back. And thought of all the happy..sad things. My last few entries was so..hmmx..i never want it to happen again.

I always believe that songs leave a particular deep impression during your certain periods in life. It has always been for me. Yang cong, was representative of my exam period in april 08. the english songs during my cafe period, wu jiahui song..alot alot.
This is the boring period again, and the phrase starts to come again: everything will turn out fine in the end. Its just about a month to the end, and i can't wait. I need a breather..really..

i fear of going back to hall at night, because once im back, i cant have the chance to touch my work, and my night is gone just like that..

night cycling, will it be as fun this year? i suddenly missed RF so much, the 1st year we had in hall.i love the mahjong session at dada house. Perhaps some things just cannot change, and we can't just accept a new friendship just like that, its like that.

JIAYOU YAN YAN!

CHINESE NEW YEAR!

As usual, i will always visit some food blogs before i sleep and there it is, i chanced upon photographs of the chinatown now! i really want to immerse in that period-- CNY period. I like to anticipate, at the very least, thinking of cny cheers me up!

I want to go chinatown, buy nian huo, listen to cny songs, go out with family..etc etc.

I cant even bake for my friends and families this yr, too busy.

HOHO, nxt yr ba! i want to do all the things i like, fm this may! i don't want to be tied down by hall anymore!

GONG XI FA CAI! haha

so cold

sms so cold, tears welled up, rolled down.

a protest? an expression of unhappiness?

no exclamations marks....

totally impacted by your mood, because i care

. ...... .... .... ....

Fruitful one week/ thoughts

Last week was the start of the week. It was still pretty honeymoon period bcoz there wasnt any labs, tutorials. And for the first time, i went to look see how the army camp is like. Ironically, it wasnt my kor's one. I've never even been to his! It was dada's bro camp. I even got to meet his relatives, at the temple. All these little things do make an impact on me. It gave me importance, hence, i never fail to gather everyone for my relatives' gathering, siblings birthday etc etc, because dada is part of us. I sometimes hestitate to stay over at his house, for fear how his parents will think, afterall, im a girl and should not always be staying over, yet come to think of it, perhaps nobody thought so and its just me who thought so much...

Was really enjoying every moment of the days last week. Jogging, turtle soup...I always like to think back about all the good things.

Feel kind of, how should i go about this semester? With 14 AUs, its considered very slack. Yet, each module requires more effort than before. Even lab has exams. With hexis to add on til March, cockroach asked me what is my aim for this sem? My reply was, to maintain or go higher. Sometimes, i don;t know how i should go along adjusting my circle of friends. I still have the impression that da don;t like me to have any communication w cockroach. But yet i don;t want da to have other thinking. I really don;t like to see disappointed, sad, sick, angry expressions on my loved ones. This lunch was also after much thought before i agreed. And to tell da that i had lunch w him, is because i respect da.

Hai, a lunch totally spoiled my mood, and i didnt even eat. Perhaps i think too much what dada will think. I think because i tend to put others in my shoes and therefore think how will i think/feel and apply those thinking on other people, which isnt the case. Even for this post, it took me so long to gather my thoughts.......


okie, i should eat now, felt better after writing down! =>

sucky subjects..post alcohol

my timetable is so uncertain, everything is so uncertain, i really hate that kind of feeling. Why is the school system like that, forcing us to take things we don't like.

For the past few days, i was really feeling very unwell, probably due to the alcohol, could not eat well, sleep well, probably also because of school, hall, etc etc.

I suddenly miss year one so so much, my hall life in year one. everyone is here together. I can't remember how long it was since we all walk together to can 14 to eat the very nice jap food. Now is just can 2 and can 2.How boring.

After 3 Jan, the most looked forward date will be 8 march. I can't wait to go overseas again, the place where i can let down everything, but i really hope, its full attendence.

I want to go JJ concert, Im sure i will be very happy then, really happy.

Come to think of it, i haven gone on a proper date since dada went to Canada, haha, but time does not permit it, Never mind, good things don't come easy ma, i will wait!!!

bear bear!/2009

i finally received my bear today! 1 jan..it took one year to reach!

What a countdown we had..fun..not fun..

I always wondered how it is like to be unconscious /semi-unconscious..i first tried it when i fainted during my cross country in secondary 3. I practically lost consciousness and for the last quarter of the route, i didnt know what i was doing. The effect of fainting was nothing, for i don't know how i fainted in the first place. The after effect was the worse part, my head was spinning and my head felt like a thousand tonnes..it was really bad.I thought that i was gone.

Yesterday, i felt it another time. But this time, it was because i was drunk, really drunk. As usual, i always wondered how it was like to be drunk.I wanted to try, i really wanted to know. Yesterday, because it was at my house, i didnt care how much i could drink.We just played and drank. I can't remember what i said. I was so wobbly, and the moment i opened my eyes, everybody else's face was distorted and the whole world was spinning. Now i know why people do things they don't do when they are drunk.You really have ni strength at all. BUt luckily, elaine helped me to clean up, and all the rest helped too. Nobody was as drunk as me. Yes, that was so unglam.
I wouldn't say that i really regret drinking so much, because i finally knew what it is like to be drunk. But one thing for sure is that, this will be the first and the last timethat i am getting so drunk. i don;t like alcohol anyway, it was for the fun of it. My mum warned me too..haha. I don't like people who drink and smoke, so why should i?

and so, i ended my 2008..or rather..i started 2009, with such an impact. I shall impact 2009 then! haha...airport..here i come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!